Stumbling upon Daily Candy's post on the new lexicon of Textese brought a smile to my face. :)

You may recall the study I recently blogged that suggests that Textese is not ruining the English language. In fact, as Daily Candy proves, you can have some fun by creating your very own Textese words. A few of my favorites:

ew toob

n. Videos of inappropriate content posted for the world to see.

mpFree

n. Music or video files obtained through piracy.

social netlurking

v. To join a social network for the sole purpose of stalking a member.

(Betsy created an account just to keep tabs on her ex.)

If you enjoy making up fun words just for the heck of it, check out Daily Candy's book. We've already ordered a copy!

Hasn't this happened to everyone? You're walking down the street at lunch time and you suddenly smell meaty, oniony, charcoal-broily FOOD which causes you to go insane and order the Number Three at Burger King, with the extra large onion rings. We've all been there. There's a Burger King on the corner by Catchword's office and they have gotten too much of my money over the last 10 years.

But I never expected BK to launch a body spray, of all things. From their new website:

The WHOPPER sandwich is America's Favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you in the form of a body spray. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.

Um, EW?

I have to assume this product real, since you can buy the stuff online at Ricky's NYC for $3.99. But I honestly can't imagine what this stuff could smell like, given that it's got a hint of "flame-broiled meat". Lighter fluid? A steakhouse? The shirt you wore to the 4th of July picnic?

In the naming biz we often talk about the perils of brand extension - using your name on products not normally associated with your company. Coke can get away with all kinds of beverages, but would you buy a hot dog branded Coke? Some companies, like Disney, for example, have been extremely successful in extending their brand to all forms of entertainment, from movies to television to theme parks to Halloween costumes. But you've got to know your limitation: extend your brand too far and it will collapse like an alibi on Law & Order. Unless they've got some clever marketing plan in mind, I'd say a Burger King fragrance is one brand extension too far.

At least they've got a funny website at Fire and Desire. Keep clicking the bottle to "spray" it and you'll be rewarded with smooth jazz and snaps like this:

Do. Not. Want.

The Name Game has stumped even the savviest brand experts. See if you can guess the famous company or product name described in each game below.

5 clues. 1 famous brand name. 0 shame in defeat.

Game #9: Name That Brand

Click through for the answer...

Answer #9: Clorox

In 1913, five California entrepreneurs set out to convert brine in the San Francisco Bay into sodium hypochlorite bleach. They called their venture the Electro-Alkaline Company (Clue #1), and distributed their product to commercial laundries, breweries, walnut processing sheds, and municipal water companies. Later, the company would change its name to Clorox - an amalgam of "chlorine" and "sodium hydroxide" which together form the product's active ingredient (Clue #4). Not until 1916 did the company realize the potential for household use and begin manufacturing a less concentrated formulation of the bleach - a 5.25 percent sodium hypochlorite, water-based solution. It's interesting to note that sodium hypochlorite is an unusual substance in that it is derived from a single compound - salt water (Clue #2) - and then reverts back to the original compound after use. In this case, it's the cleaning process, either in washing machines or on surfaces, that turns the bleach back into salt water. Over the years, however, Clorox has grown its portfolio to include household cleaning products, auto care products, dressings and sauces (including Hidden Valley Ranch, Clue #5), and a host of other consumer offerings. Clearly, the company is no longer just about laundry (Clue #3)!

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Business Pundit has a great post of corporate logo parodies. Essentially they've tweaked 15 famous corporate logos to represent what those companies might look like after the current financial crisis. I love how some of the crisis parodies build off of the brand names while others cleverly tweak the logo itself!

Also, don't miss Catchword's new Flickr account!

I was in a 7-Eleven over the weekend and got some coffee. The store near me has a huge self-service coffee station with all kind of cups, flavors, creamers, sweeteners, and additives like cinnamon and chocolate (they know to whom they must cater). I ignored the hazelnut-flavored coffee (ick) and the decaf, since I had a list of errands to run, and instead decided to try the new coffee with the bright yellow handle on the coffeepot (see image, courtesy of the Cruft blog).

FUSION! it practically screamed at me. OK, I figured, it's some kind of bean blend - that sounds good. I sniffed it to make sure there was no chocolate in it (I'm allergic). I poured a big cup, added my normal pint of half and half, and was out the door. One hour later I was amped beyond belief and only then did I decided to find out what was in that coffee:

Their Exclusive Blend coffee is infused with all-natural herbs including guaraná, ginseng, and yerba maté, which they believe will boost your energy and sharpen mental alertness.

YES IT DOES ALL THOSE THINGS AND ADDITIONALLY MAKES YOUR HANDS SHAKE WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!

I was not aware of this trend in fortified coffee. Since ephedrine became a controlled substance, it seems like the beverage industry is constantly developing new and innovative ways to deliver metabolism boosters in every kind of drink (including Stampede Beer, which we had the pleasure of naming). Cocaine is a highly caffeinated energy drink distributed by Redux Beverages. It contains three and a half times the caffeine of a more popular energy drink, Red Bull Aside from caffeine the label boasts 750 milligrams of taurine, another common ingredient found in many energy drinks, as well as guaraná (also in Fusion). Cocaine got pulled from US shelves in 2007 because the FDA decided that Redux was "illegally marketing their drink as an alternative to street drugs". After a brief name change to "No Name", Redux decided to go back to the Cocaine name. I'm not sure how they're getting away with it now.

Fusion tasted OK, but not great. While looking online for a gift for my coffee-obsessed boyfriend, I came across this totally-illegal looking brand: Meth Coffee. I wonder if the FDA will have something to say about this.

It's interesting that the same concept gets executed in such different ways. 7-Eleven chose to go with a name so abstract that despite the word "energy" on the handle, I didn't realize it was amphetamine-flavored coffee, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. "Fusion" sounds so smooth and sophisticated, with a little bit of technology behind it. Meth, on the other hand, is in-your-face direct and practically dares you to drink some and sit still. I suppose it's a comment on the culture that "meth" is the well-known slang for "methamphetamine".

I also saw something called Muscle Milk when I was at 7-Eleven. I was too scared to buy any.

I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the news that a guy in Russia is claiming to own the winky-face emoticon. :0 He also says he'll sue any corporate entity trying to make money off of his intellectual property. If business want to use the emoticon, they can license it for $10,000 plus royalties. That's highway robbery! >:0

I highly doubt he'll be able to uphold his claim on the emoticon. The use of emoticons dates back to the early 1990s and is certainly now in the public domain, both here in the U.S. and internationally. I'll be following story closely, if only for the absurdity of it all.

Here's another excerpt from our handy dandy naming manual - it's like a car manual, only about naming! We'll be posting 10 different sections on a weekly basis, so please come back every Friday for more. If you like what you see, please download a copy of your very own, or write to us and we’ll mail you a paper copy (it has a glossy cover!).

YET MORE CAR NAME THEMES

Of all consumer brand names, car names are perhaps the most recognizable. Online, TV and print advertising make it hard to ignore the most exciting new “rides,” and daily commutes ensure real-life interactions with these brands. Who hasn’t heard of a Camaro? Responsibly considered an Accord? Dreamed of owning a Miata?

So, what are the most common car name “Themes”– i.e, the concepts, messages or constructions used most frequently? For the fun of it, we did a bit of research (actually, a whole lot of research) and provide below the results of our investigation.

Theme: PLACENAMES

The quintessential name: SANTA FE

Whether a specific reference to a town in Italy (Torino), a state in Mexico (Veracruz), or a term to describe an urban center (Cosmopolitan), Placenames are used to evoke associations with locations, cultures, and mindsets. Want to sound international to an American consumer? Call your car Murano. Want to evoke all things stylish and beautiful? Name it Malibu. Exotic? How about Capri? Sophisticated? What about Versaille? Placenames make for wonderful brand names because they tap into immediate and often universal associations. They utilize existing perceptions to evoke vivid, visceral, and emotive brand identities and experiences.

Makes one wonder why certain placenames have never been adopted. Would the Alaska not be evocative enough? How about the Vienna? And what about our corporate home: SanFran? With all its natural beauty and urban sophistication it’s a wonderful metaphor for a comfortable, stylish vehicle!

Last week: More Car Name Themes

Next week: Wrapping it All Up - General Maintenance

[caption id="attachment_1133" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Max Plank Research cover, before and after"][/caption]You know, there are times when it's just not enough to say "I think someone checked this" before going to press. Take the highly respected, highly academic, highly (today) embarrassed Max Planck Research journal, which featured some beautiful Chinese calligraphy on the cover of its special China edition. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an ad for a Hong Kong strip club, which promised "sexy and hot, young housewives. Flirty and enchanting, available today." There's another translation at the wonderful Language Log: ""[We have] young housewives who have hot body that will stir up your [sexual] fire. They are sexy, horny and enchanting. The performance will begin in few days!"

As reported in the Sydney Morning Herald (and then in Pharyngula, where I saw it), the German language version had already been sent out to subscribers by the time the error was caught, and the cover replaced by calligraphy referring to a book written by the 16th century Swiss Jesuit, Johannes Schreck, titled Illustrated Explanations of Strange Devices.

Here's the thing I don't get. SMH says

The calligraphy, which was vetted by a sinologist before publication, was believed to have "depicted classical Chinese characters in a non-controversial context".

Vetted by a sinologist (a student of Chinese language and culture)? Really? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the sinologist in question either 1) didn't look at it too carefully ("Yeah, that's Chinese"), 2) has a greatly inflated opinion of their knowledge of written Chinese ("Beautiful something...stirring fire...something something something") or 3) lives on another planet where "hot young housewives" means "new guest cottages are well insulated".

If you're going to put something like that ON THE COVER, you might want to hire someone who can actually read Chinese, or a firm that can do some honest-to-goodness linguistic analysis for you, with native speakers in your target country. It might save you some time, money, and face. I'm just sayin'.

An interesting study shows that "Textese" (or "Textspeak") isn't ruining the English language:

Mobile phone text-message abbreviations and simplifications are not ruining our spelling, but they do take much longer to read and understand than conventional English, a small Australian study has shown.

University of Tasmania lecturer Nenagh Kemp asked 55 undergraduate students to compose, and then to read aloud, text messages in English and in "textese."

While students were significantly faster using textese, it took almost half the number of students twice as long to read these messages aloud than messages written in proper English.

The Name Game has stumped even the savviest brand experts. See if you can guess the famous company or product name described in each game below.

5 clues. 1 famous brand name. 0 shame in defeat.

Game #8: Name That Brand

Click through for the answer...

Answer #8: Avon

Originally named the California Perfume Company, Avon is the most successful door-to-door sales organization ever. The history of Avon dates back to 1886 and a 16-year-old door-to-door book salesman named D.H. McConnell. As a prelude to his sales pitch, D.H. would present each housewife with a vial of perfume he had made and packaged himself. He soon learned that the perfume was in greater demand than the books, and thus was born the California Perfume Company, named for a friend who lived in California and provided initial investment support. Convinced that door-to-door perfume sales (Clue #4, in-person sales calls) would be an ideal way for women to help earn money for their families, D.H. hired his first representative, Mrs. Albee (Clue #5). Soon after, D.H. had nearly a score of fragrances in his portfolio, including Jockey Club and Heliotrope (Clue #2), two of the most popular. D.H. later changed the name of the company to Avon (Clue #3 - "nova" backward spells "Avon"), in honor of his favorite playwright, William Shakespeare, and Shakespeare's birthplace Stratford-on-Avon (Clue #1). However, the change in name was as much a strategic move as a sentimental one - D.H. was expanding his product portfolio to include baking powder, olive oil and other household items, and the name California Perfume was too limiting. Today, Avon is the largest direct-selling company in the world, with over 3 million sales representatives across 139 countries, and $5 billion in revenues.

Here's another excerpt from our handy dandy naming manual - it's like a car manual, only about naming! We'll be posting 10 different sections on a weekly basis, so please come back every Friday for more. If you like what you see, please download a copy of your very own, or write to us and we’ll mail you a paper copy (it has a glossy cover!).

MORE CAR NAME THEMES

Of all consumer brand names, car names are perhaps the most recognizable. Online, TV and print advertising make it hard to ignore the most exciting new “rides,” and daily commutes ensure real-life interactions with these brands. Who hasn’t heard of a Camaro? Responsibly considered an Accord? Dreamed of owning a Miata?

So, what are the most common car name “Themes”– i.e, the concepts, messages or constructions used most frequently? For the fun of it, we did a bit of research (actually, a whole lot of research) and provide below the results of our investigation.

Theme: CELESTIAL

The quintessential name: SATURN (yeah, we know, it's a company, not a car)

It’s no surprise that many cars have been named for the heavens and its myriad creations. Speed, innovation, exploration, inclusiveness, reliability, movement and timelessness are just a few associations one can have with the sky and all its celestial inhabitants.

And, even though the Celestial theme has been used less frequently than the Luxury, Performance or Placenames themes, just about every name construct has been applied to this theme. Consider that there are real-word celestial names (e.g., Taurus), coined celestial names (e.g., Telstar), composite celestial names (e.g., Star Chief), and non-English celestial names (e.g., Comète – French for Comet)!

Perhaps our favorite coined celestial name is Celica. Supposedly coined from the Latin coelica meaning “heavenly or celestial”, the name is both otherworldly sounding and at the same time highly communicative of acceleration and speed. It’s abstract enough to allow for flexibility in meaning and identity, but suggestive enough of a key benefit of the vehicle. Smart naming, Toyota!

Last week: Car Name Themes

Next week: Yet More Car Name Themes

The Name Game has stumped even the savviest brand experts. See if you can guess the famous company or product name described in each game below.

5 clues. 1 famous brand name. 0 shame in defeat.

Game #7: Name That Brand

Click through for the answer...

Answer #7: Kodak

In 1888 George Eastman (Clue #4) introduced the Kodak camera. For a cost of $25, aspiring photographers got the loaded camera, a shoulder strap and a case. Camera owners would send their cameras to Rochester, New York where the film was developed, the camera reloaded, and then returned to the owner, all for an additional $10. Prior to the Kodak camera, the taking of pictures was a complicated and arduous task; photographers had only wet plate emulsion techniques available to them. After years of experimentation, Eastman finally succeeded in adapting paper to carry the emulsion (Clue #3). And, in 1891, Kodak introduced roll film photography (Clue #5), and rolls of film became available for purchase just about anywhere. No longer did Kodak owners need to part with their cameras. Kodak has since become a household name, and the famous Kodak yellow trade dress (Clue #1) is equally distinctive. Eastman became one of the richest, and perhaps most generous men, in American history, though his sizable gifts to the arts, education, science and medicine were most often anonymous (Clue #2). One such gift from "Mr. Smith" in the amount of $20 million to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology caused speculation for years.

The Name Game has stumped even the savviest brand experts. See if you can guess the famous company or product name described in each game below.

5 clues. 1 famous brand name. 0 shame in defeat.

Game #6: Name That Brand

Click through for the answer...

Answer #6: Life Savers

In 1912, Clarence Crane (Clue #2) invented Life Savers and called them such because of their resemblance to the preservers. In fact, the original product label was of an old seaman throwing a life preserver to a young female swimmer, and the slogan read: "For That Stormy Breath" (Clue #4). Originally, Crane's mints were produced on a pill machine by a pharmaceutical manufacturer. One year after their conception, Crane sold the mints, which at the time were offered in only one flavor (peppermint), to an advertising salesman named Edward John Noble. The price: $2,900. Noble marketed the mints to various commercial enterprises, but the first real success was in getting saloon owners to offer them as an alternative to the free cloves patrons usually chewed on (Clue #3). Today, over 6 billion mints are produced yearly (Clue #1) and every pack starts with 14 mints (Clue #5).

Thumbing through my wife’s InStyle the other day (I’ve confessed my metrosexual tendencies in previous blogs, so hush) I noticed an advertisement for Gucci’s new fragrance for men: Gucci. At first I wasn’t sure who made the product because the name is so non-distinctive, but then I saw the endorsement: BY GUCCI. Gucci By Gucci. By Gucci By Gucci By Gucci. Honestly, it was so prominent an endorsement it was practically part of the brand name, and I felt silly not seeing it at first. Ahhhh, I thought. So Gucci’s making Gucci now? Very smart. And thanks for that illuminating endorsement. It’s a good thing. Would hate for someone to be confused and think Dior was making Gucci. Or Calvin Klein – he’s a pretty shifty guy. And I certainly wouldn’t put it past Paco Rabanne to co-opt the Gucci name – his brand just ooooozes sliminess, am I right?

Um, totally unnecessary endorsement. We all know who makes Gucci. Gucci For Men would’ve sufficed.

Introducing the new Samsung Epix smart phone with a whopping…….wait for it……..2-megapixel camera!!! Guys, if you’re gonna include the term “pix” in your phone name it’s gotta have more-than-ordinary picture capabilities. My Blackberry Curve, hardly a substitute for a point and shoot, has 2-megapixels. And, while I’ve only read a few reviews of the phone (generally good, but still mixed), Epix is a really hard name to live up to. At least for now I’ll trust that the phone is as grand as its name implies. Overpromising: one of the biggest naming and branding mistakes.

Here's another excerpt from our handy dandy naming manual - it's like a car manual, only about naming! We'll be posting 10 different sections on a weekly basis, so please come back every Friday for more. If you like what you see, please download a copy of your very own, or write to us and we’ll mail you a paper copy (it has a glossy cover!).

CAR NAME THEMES

Of all consumer brand names, car names are perhaps the most recognizable. Online, TV and print advertising make it hard to ignore the most exciting new “rides,” and daily commutes ensure real-life interactions with these brands. Who hasn’t heard of a Camaro? Responsibly considered an Accord? Dreamed of owning a Miata?

So, what are the most common car name “Themes”– i.e, the concepts, messages or constructions used most frequently? For the fun of it, we did a bit of research (actually, a whole lot of research) and provide below the results of our investigation.

Theme: ANIMALS

The quintessential name: MUSTANG

One of the most popular car name themes, Animals convey everything from speed and strength (e.g. Mercury Bobcat, Dodge Ram) to grace and innovative design (e.g. Nissan Gazelle, Volkswagen Beetle). Sure, everyone knows what a Mustang is, what a Cougar is, what a Pinto is. But did you know that Corcel is Spanish for “steed,” that a Thunderbird is actually a mythical bird, that an Impala is a type of antelope, or that a Tamaraw is a small water-buffalo found only in the Philippines?

PREDICTION: with the ever-growing awareness and development of “greener” cars, expect to see fewer fast, strong, predatory animal names, and more intelligent, wise, innovative animal names. The Toyota Dolphin anyone?

Last week: Operation in Foreign Countries

Next week: More Car Name Themes

It is short and easy to pronounce. Oh, and it stands out in the crowd. Beyond that, this name is about as bad as it gets.

In my career as a naming consultant, I've done a lot of company naming and product naming. UGG falls somewhere in between a product name and a company name, serving both roles in various scenarios. Every time I see this name, I think: these guys should have hired Catchword.

Why? Allow me to explain:

1) The name is phonetically identical to a common statement of discontent or dislike ("ugh"). Kind of like naming a new candy bar "Yuck".

2) The name immediately recalls "ugly" (and in the mind of this naming consultant, so does the product itself).

3) They don't own the .com domain. Ordinarily, I wouldn't think this is such a problem. However, the folks who do apparently own the name (Viterra) are not using it. UGG should be able to procure it. Maybe they don't want it?

4) Furthermore, according to Wikipedia, the term refers to a specific type of sheepskin boot and could be considered a generic term (a la "Duck Boots"). Ugg's parent company is suing other companies who reference "UGH Boots" despite the fact that the terms has been used generically since the 50s and the trademark (in Australia) only dates to 1971. Catchword clients benefit from names that are ownable and defensible in their own right, without the petty squabbling they have been forced to use to protect this name.

So how does one reconcile the overwhelming success of this product with its less-than-stellar brand name? I have only three things to say. First, it is further evidence that a bad name won't kill you (so long as you can get a Paris-Hilton-class celeb to model your product). Second, let those who dare to be different rejoice! If this brand has one thing going for it, it is that it really, truly stands out. I don't usually recommend standing out for all the wrong reasons, but even standing out for the wrong reasons still counts as standing out. Lastly, this brand name offers further proof that there is no accounting for taste. The boots are almost as uggly as the (ugh) name. But what do I know?

If ever there was a company that could use some help from naming specialists with brand name creation—Dress Barn is it. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve nothing against a store name that telegraphs to its customers that they can expect bargains within. Target comes to mind. Ann Taylor Loft is ok. But...Dress Barn? Can we leave a little romance here? At least Pottery Barn, with its evocation of some artisanal enterprise tucked away in a picturesque shed somewhere makes some sense; PB’s product offerings include rustic pottery and other home furnishings. (Although they’re getting less rustic—and more pricey—by the minute). But women’s dresses and suits amidst hay and barn animals? My mind just doesn’t want to go there. Now Dress Barn has compounded its naming sins with a new line of fragrances. I’m referring to Truly Beautiful, Truly Magical and Truly Fresh. Am I just being cranky, or are these some of the lamest perfume names you’ve ever heard? For starters, opinion words (beautiful, magical, fresh) tend to create resistance in consumers. We’ve heard them millions of times, we don’t believe them—and we stop paying attention. They’re like wallpaper. Without distinctive packaging or an A-list mother brand to lend them credibility and cachet, they’re not likely to generate either. And when paired with “truly”—one of advertising’s most clichéd buzzwords—we're even less likely to believe these perfumes are anything special. Dress Barn: you gotta start dressing it up a little.

The Name Game has stumped even the savviest brand experts. See if you can guess the famous company or product name described in each game below.

5 clues. 1 famous brand name. 0 shame in defeat.

Game #5: Name That Brand

Click through for the answer...

Answer #5: Lipton Tea

Legend has it that the Chinese Emperor Shen-Nung first discovered tea in 2737 BC and that it has remained virtually unchanged since then (Clue #1). Supposedly, the emperor was preparing a kettle of boiling water on his terrace when a few tea leaves accidentally landed in the liquid. Curious to know how the leaves might affect the flavor, the Chinese emperor tasted the accidental brew and was delighted with the concoction. It wasn't until the 1600s, however, that Shen-Nung's discovery first reached Europe. European travelers to Asia fancied what had become something of a staple in the Far East and wished to introduce the beverage to their peers back home. While many colonists to the new world brought with them their appreciation of tea (and their anger at England's tea tax, Clue #5), it wasn't until the 1890s that Sir Thomas J. Lipton (Clue #2) truly popularized the beverage in America. Lipton, who owned tea estates in Sri Lanka, transported his tea to America in clipper ships and packaged the leaves in tins to ensure freshness and quality. Soon, Lipton became known throughout the world as "Sir Tea," and today his likeness appears on every box of Lipton's "Brisk" tea bags (Clue #3). Today, Americans drink 136 million cups of tea each day, and 80 percent of it is served over ice! For many, the Lipton name is immediately synonymous with tea, hot or cold (Clue #4).

Here's another excerpt from our handy dandy naming manual - it's like a car manual, only about naming! We'll be posting 10 different sections on a weekly basis, so please come back every Friday for more. If you like what you see, please download a copy of your very own, or write to us and we’ll mail you a paper copy (it has a glossy cover!).

OPERATION IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES

Doing so requires registering your name in every country in which you plan to drive it. You will again need to activate your Theft Prevention System and almost certainly hire either a name development firm or an Intellectual Property attorney to conduct the necessary trademark evaluations on your new name.

In addition, you will want to ensure that your foreign customers can pronounce and spell your

new name, and that your new name is appealing to them in their language. While a domestic translation service can be helpful, the most insightful feedback comes from customers actually living in the countries in which you plan to drive your new name. The easiest way to reach these people is through the use of a specialized name development firm with an established linguistics network around the world. If the firm has experience with linguistic and cultural research of this sort they will know to ask the following questions:

• Is this name easy to pronounce?

• Is this name easy to spell?

• What does this name make you think of?

• Do you get positive or negative associations with this name? What are they?

• Does this name remind you of any existing brands in your country?

CAUTION/WARNING

If you’re driving your name in other countries make sure to conduct a linguistic and cultural analysis of the name. It’ll ensure that your name doesn’t have negative connotations or meanings in other languages, and help you sleep better at night.

Last week: Installing Names

Next week: Car Name Themes